I’ll take my $5million now, thanks.   

Dear Reality TV execs that read obscure and rarely updated blogs,

“AMERICAN SLUMLORD”

Obviously, this would be a reality TV show in which 10 slumlords would compete for the title of AMERICA’S TOP SLUMLORD. Here are some challenges that slumlords could compete in to determine who “gets the rent” that week (”There are ten of you, but In this old grocery bag I have only 9 envelopes full of soggy cash):

1. Do shoddy repairs at the lowest cost and with the least effort (fix this broken coin-op washing machine using only sandpaper, rubberbands, dried up wood glue, and a bic lighter!)
2. ‘Obtain’ rent out of crack addicts, prostitutes, and ‘writers’
3. Sniff out corpses behind closed doors

I don’t want to give away the whole pitch here, but I think you get the gist. Bids may be submitted in the comments.

P.S. All Hail Our Robotic Overlords